he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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