So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
