question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
