i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
