so explain again why im purple
no
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
