Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
