But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
