i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
