just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
