i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
