How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
