I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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