We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
