who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
