Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
