You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can text with my tongue
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
