and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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