Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
