DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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