i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
