Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
