I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
