he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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