This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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