You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
