Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
