I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
