Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize