At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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