I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize