If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
