Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
