you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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