If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are two peas in an std pod
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
