well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
