you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
