.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
