fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
