I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
