dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
