Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
