I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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