i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
