its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
