If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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