I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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