He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
