I can text with my tongue
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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