I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize