it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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