just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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