he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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