I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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