I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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