Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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