Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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