He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
