Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
