i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
