I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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