sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
