A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
