We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
