I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
