I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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