how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
