I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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