That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
